The Fashion Issue

It's snowing! Hooray!!! To be honest, its more of an ice misting, but snow nonetheless. Unfortunately, for even the tiny quantity of snow that will be left by this storm, there had to be cloud cover all day. For all intents and purposes, the sun never came up. That fickle bastard of a celestial body has left us alone once again. So I took Sancho on another grand snowmachine chase because it has headlights and we had a lovely old time. I did spend an unusual amount of time indoors, though, because the lack of light sucked whatever might pass as my spirit of adventure right out of me. Maybe it will snow enough tonight that I can bust out Princess Tinky and plow the road. Boy, that would turn things into Wild Wednesday!

I receive many questions about hermit life, and by that I think somebody once asked me about something once, so that must mean that you are all dying to know about hermit fashion. In order to help you all out, I have made a Hermit Fashion Issue. We will begin proceedings with -


The Lounger -
   This is what your average hermit might wear on a weekday while translating scrolls from Greek to Latin, having a religious experience, nurturing their bitterness towards humanity or just swilling booze and lighting random stuff on fire. Here our photographer has caught this hermit in a candid shot while he contemplates the consciousness of man.

The hat hair is a required part of this getup. Anybody showing up differently would be forced to laugh themselves out of their own party, and then they wouldn't able to hang out with themselves at their own party they threw for one person.

The top is by Kirkland Signature - "Alpaca Dream Shirt" $2,999
Bottoms by Calvin Klein- "Calfhugger Terminator Wonder Pants" $999
Socks by Dior- Sewn with scraps from the Shroud of Turin $Priceless


The Explorer-
Here we see our beloved hermit in traditional outdoor garb. He chooses not to fight nature, but become part of endless flow of life and death embodied by the stainless steel refrigerator in the background. The pose suggests a traditional outlook, but with a streak of hermitly maverickness that screams "I will rock you like a hurricane".

Coat by Beyonce, made from the hopes and dreams of inner city children- $6000
Pants by Fabio, made of Unicorn skin- $4995
Boots from Harrods, originally worn by Lord Nelson at Waterloo- $15999
Hat made from the fur of the Minotaur- $15
Pistol by Smith and Wesson. Size large. $First born child.


The Explorer (Snowmachine Edition)-
Here we see the hermit displaying the traditional outerware of the snowmachining sect of hermits. It is very similar to the more ancient clothing worn by The Explorer, but features additional accessories like night vision goggles and a machete. For those looking to go all out, chainsaws are always a good choice to complement this outfit.

Machete by Boar the Fighter (Salamandastron series), forged from the pieces of a fallen star with the spirits of every great warrior. $4.99
Goggles by Chanel- $699

That is pretty much all a hermit wears. All the time. That covers just about every situation, I think.

In the race for the Memorial Anthony of Egypt National Most Hermitly Award Uganda has shown some staying power! They have retaken the lead from a powerhouse New Zealand! Is there any hope for other countries or is this turning into a two horse race? The hopes for a third contender lie squarely on the shoulders of South Africa. A version of every outfit featured here has been added to the prize pool for the winner of the Memorial Anthony of Egypt National Most Hermitly Award.