Hungry Hungry Wolves Howling in the Night

Well everyone, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that my Canadian did not return, most likely because of a horrific bungee jumping/iPad accident. The good news is that somebody from Japan took a peek! Finally, after all these years, I am huge in Japan.

Yesterday afternoon I went for a stroll with the dog, and we heard some wolves howling to the East. The cabin is in a big valley right up against a little range of mountains, and the howling was echoing off their steep walls, and it was really quite lovely. Whenever I hear wolves I am always tempted to rip off all my clothing and go bounding into the forest to chew on trees and talk to owls, or whatever it is that wolves do all day. Sancho, who has no clothing to rip off, lacks the vision and creativity to go for a whole tree, so he made short work of a nearby stick on the ground.

Out at this cabin there is a wood fired hot tub, which is good because an electric one would really tire Helga out. Here is what a wood stove hot tub looks like:


The only problem is that it takes a lot of time and a fair amount of tree to heat up a 4 person hot tub's worth of water. Consider, also, that this particular picture of the hot tub was taken at 4:30 pm, and that it is dark outside. I awoke at the crack of dawn to start the fire in the tub. The only problem with that is the sun rises at 10:30 am, so the hot tub was not hot until well after sunset. Whats more, that damn snow melting wind returned and was moving the trees around in the most menacing way. You will be forgiven if the trees you are imagining are smiling maples and sunny oaks widely spaced in a verdant green surrounding (like Fern Gully), but you are wrong. The trees here are tightly packed, gnarled little witch fingers searching for their next victim to poke right in the eye.


Notice that all of the trees are just far enough apart to allow a wolf to pass unhindered between them, but not nearly tall enough to save any poor soul trying to escape. Coincidence? I think not.

I already had doubts about the sanity of going for a hot tub alone in the dark, but I had been tending the damn fire for hours, so I consoled myself with the knowledge that Sancho would be standing guard, loyal and cool headed fellow that he is. I stripped down to my shorts and awkwardly scooted my bare-footed self the twenty yards to the hot tub. I hopped in, and everything was just peachy. The stars were out, and let me tell you, the stars are better here than anywhere I have ever been. I had just started to relax when I heard a wolf howling in the distance. Immediately after Sancho started to bark like crazy. At that moment I came to the realization that carnivorous carnivores are best appreciated in the daytime.

Now let me explain that Sancho barking like crazy isn't out of the ordinary. He barks at any living thing or figment of his imagination that could possibly be treading on his turf. That means he spend a good portion of every single day barking at the trees. Combined with the wolf howls, though, it served to scare the shit out of me.

I tried to stay calm and collected. I thought to myself "Steady, there. A dog barking would probably scare off a wolf. And they never attack people." But then I remembered a winter several years ago when there was no snow until December around much of Anchorage.

Wolves need deep snow to hunt moose, the staple of their diet. If you are unfamiliar with the architecture of a moose, imagine a thousand pound torpedo nestled daintily atop four long chopsticks. They sink in snow. Wolves closely resemble a cucumber nestled atop four antigravitic frying pans. They do not sink in snow. Moose can outrun a wolf every time unless it is in snow. That fateful year in Anchorage there was no snow, and the wolves got very very hungry. So they started eating hikers' dogs. As this memory passed through my mind the warm wind that had melted all the snow brushed my cheeks, and I just about crapped my pants. I hopped out of the tub and raced to the house, yelling for Sancho the whole way. We made it back in, but I'm pretty sure there was a twelve foot tall wolf right behind me. One thing is for sure: Skylar wouldn't have been any help at all.

Tonight my sister arrives and I contemplate the sunset. Let me assure you, I will not be using the hot tub.