Hermit FAQ

We got more snow last night! Hooray! The temperature is up to a sweltering 6 degrees. This means, unfortunately, that I had to start plowing the road all over again. You do get to see what animals have been walking around recently. I saw these tracks out on the ski. I think they are moose tracks, but I'm not sure.

 Yesterday I asked for questions. And now they will be answered:

What does a hermit wear for pajamas?
Our photographers have captured a hermit sleeping.

It appears it is a variation on The Lounger, but more passed out on the floor. The outfit has been accessorized with a bottle of 50 year old Remy Martin, a couple of shotguns to ward off outsiders, and a bloodthirsty wolfhound named Kujo.

How far off the ground must you be for your pee to freeze in midair?
This question sounded as much like a challenge as a quest for knowledge. At today's temperature, the answer is "higher than the roof". I am considering what it would take to lower the windmill and raise it again with me attached to the top, but I think it is more than a simple hermit could manage. 

Are you more afraid of serial killers or wolves and moose in the dark?
I am equally afraid of both. I am really most scared of serial killing wolves and moose that rove around in huge gangs dressed in leather on top of Harley Davidsons. I guess I would hear them coming, though.

Why the hell are you out there ALL ALONE?????
Well, nobody would come with me. And how many hermits spend their time hanging out with their friends? None. Anthony of Egypt would be rolling in his grave if hermits started hanging out with people. But someone should come visit. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

What force--dog or nature or gumption--wakes you up, and is it consistent, or do you sleep til 12 on, say, an overcast day? 
Steam power. I am in fact a steam engine, which is why I was never good at agility sports. I usually get up around 11, which isn't half bad by family standards. The dog is actually amazing at sleeping in. Until he gets his first whiff of the outdoors he is mellow, but then it's all downhill until bedtime. 

What is a Mother Board? Should I be AFRAID of the much-talked-about-but-never-quite-seen-in-its-entirety Mother Board?
I'm not sure. I believe you are referring to the executive board that controls the Mothership, mentioned several episodes ago. They are mostly a bunch of fuddy-duddies, so no, I don't think you need to be afraid of them. I think they mostly decide where they will be cruising to observe the most elevated specimens of humanity, like hermits in Alaska. They did decide to throw in a round-trip ticket for two to the Homeworld as part of the prize pool of the Memorial Anthony of Egypt National Most Hermitly Award, so they have to be alright.

How many things do you kill every day? 

 Millions, but then I revive them.

What do you eat?

Potatoes. I do not revive them.

Who is winning in the race for the Memorial Anthony of Egypt National Most Hermitly Award right now?

New Zealand. The heavyweight slugfest between international hermiting superpowers Uganda and New Zealand continues. Uganda was in the lead yesterday, but New Zealand hit the afterburners to take the lead. South Africa, where you at?